So you looked through your partner’s phone and you found out that they’ve lied and cheated on you. What do you do once you’ve found something that confirms your deepest fears? Do you forgive them? Or do you end the relationship immediately? These situations are never easy and if you have no idea how to tackle this, let me give you the 5 enlightening steps to help you rise up from this situation.
1) Identify what type of relationship you have with your partner
When two people enter into any relationship, they form an agreement. Some couples agree to see each other exclusively, some agree to date other people. The moment that one partner cheats, that agreement is broken. Before making any sort of decision, it’s important to revisit the understanding you had with your partner and evaluate whether or not that agreement was truly broken.
2) Identify your values and how they influence your decision
Take time to clarify what you want and what you value as an individual. You may value your peace, being respected, or your family and each of these may influence you in a different way. Once you’ve done this, talk to you partner sincerely and figure out what you value as a couple. Do you still want to be with one another? Or is the reason for the infidelity that they no longer value this relationship and want to be with someone else?
3) Take the power back
Regardless of your decision, you should forgive this person for the way that they hurt you. This doesn’t mean that you accept what they did or that you stay with them. It means that you free yourself of the power that this infidelity has over you.
4) Confront yourself and your reality
Consider what drove you to go looking for evidence in the first place. What was truly going on between the two of you that made you suspicious? Confront your reality and accept your faults and your portion of the blame in this situation. Only then can you take control and move forward.
5) Be 100% sure of your decision, whatever it is.
Ultimately, if you choose to leave, stay strong in this decision. Don’t look back, don’t question yourself, and don’t dwell on your decision. Focus on your part in the situation and learn from the mistakes you may have made so that you can progress and learn from what happened.
If you choose to stay, truly forgive your partner. Don’t bring up their mistakes constantly. Build a new relationship with them instead of continuing the previous one. Communicate honestly so that in this new relationship, both of you are comfortable enough to express your wants and needs.